Since there's not much to update with right now, and I realize my updates are sporatic at best, I figure, I'll enlighten anyone who cares(do the math and realize that's no one) on my current status.

Summer was a bust. Plain and simple. I took Drawing 2 with a professor I knew I wouldn't do much with. I got an A in the class, even though I realize I didn't rightly deserve it. It's a bit of a shame that the class went the way it did, mostly because he's an extremely gifted renderer when it comes to drawing, and it's somewhat astounding to me that the effort put towards the class was next to nothing. As it stands, I have nothing to show of any interest from that class.

I'm currently enrolled in Figure Drawing right now, which I haven't gotten a real feel for yet. I like the class, now don't get me wrong, it's just that I've missed a few due to unexpected events(insomnia + being sick), so I feel a little out of it so far. The only thing I can say is that I'm already semi-established in figure drawing, so I'm not having trouble picking up where I leave off.

I also believe maybe it wouldn't have been so strange if my friend Lindsey weren't one of the models. It's funny though, how when your right brain clicks on, you just stop caring. Sure, she's my friend, and sure, she's sitting naked and exposed infront of me, but the truth of it is, once you get working, the "person" sort of gets discarded. You don't even see them as a human being, you kind of see them as an image. I'm not trying to sound "interesting", but I'm trying to explain how it works. It's just one of those things, where your preconceptions about seeing a person naked will actually be inaccurate. I knew this going into the class, however, when it is your friend and neighbor up on the stage, you're a little more vulnerable to thinking that maybe it might be different.

It's really not.

I hope I get some decent results this semester, since my parents got a new Digital camera, and I can finally take good pictures of most of my work. So we'll see if I can get up some results from this class, as well as the few decent pieces I did for Drawing 1(which wasn't many, I was really out of the loop artistically at that point).

Well, that's my life.

Oh, and I'm listening to Set Free by American Analog Set, which makes me happy in all the wrong places.

Long time.

No entry.

No additions.

Sorry, I will have at least one piece submitted by the end of this day. Though, it's hard for pictures to do it justice, I suppose.

I have spent the whole semester in a 3D Design class that I just couldn't get a grip on. Now that it's over, I catch myself wondering what it was that I was fighting with.

And today, I hear the words I never expected.

"Outstanding."

Was it really that good?

I also recently had an hour+ long discussion with my previous drawing professor about some of my current ideas. It's interesting when I think back on it, because we're similiar in our approach to art. Both of us have a desire to create works that contain social issues that most people steer clear of.

What I've come to learn is that I am definitely more directed than I ever realized. I'm happy with that. It makes me feel much more confident about my place in this world.

And I now know that my ability and creativity isn't just a match with my peers. I know that I'm capable of pressing well beyond the above-average boundaries that I was so scared of being confined to.

It's all uphill from here, but I think that's the best part.

2.
3.

New number in my history.

Today is something I should cherish, but I don't.

It's just the sign of my growing closer to the finale.

But in my slow progression towards that end of means, I will offer you more work soon.

This I promise you.

I have found out that I can have slides scanned professionally.

Depending on price and quality, more of my older work, and some of my newer, shall be shown.

Don't hold your breath.

I'm not kidding, this is the epiphany. The joke is that I finally found my niche, and I guess I knew it all along. Political and controversial? Well, okay not really.

My work seems to equate about the same reaction as a shock rocker, as I've managed to demonstrate to *all* my fucking art classes(which for those of you paying attention to, I got a B+ and an A- in, the B+ was LACK OF ONE DRAWING, yeah, go me).

I guess an explanation is worthwhile, before the story I have to throw towards this medium...

I have a real knack for kicking people's reflexes in the teeth. For whatever reason, my art has hit the "edgy, angry, unrequited" angle, and I couldn't be more happy. It's not an intentional "oh look, look at ME!" sort of angle, because I assure you, there's NO money in that angle. Between my representation of Greg's Estate, and my "alphabet(which had to be a "universally understood concept", to which I used gun targets as a way to represent how "violence" is "universally understood", this got a reaction from a classmate explaining that I'd "have no trouble with the socio-political pieces....")", it's come to my attention that my classmates are a little at odds with me.

When this whole "draw a song" concept hit me, the first thing that came to mind was Greg's Estate, simply because of the subject matter. I knew no one would pick something as honestly devastating and horrible as that song, and it had a lot of issues in it that dealt with the things my friends had gone through(to be even more fair, they have *all* liked it so far). Up on that wall, while playing the song back, it was extremely apparent that no one had taken into account anything so blissfully arrogant in the steps towards representing how far society has gone downhill, and the fractured upbringing of today's youth. I'm serious, the students flinched. They didn't even personally know what to say about my piece, and while my classes are full of kids afraid to throw punches in critiques, I really wanted to know what was honestly running through their minds.

That same day, the conversations with my drawing teacher led to the realization that I focus on the same "real" sides of life that she does, only with a little less intensity(she's an intense person, I'm a lot more subtle I think). Images ran instantly through my mind. The fractured spine of my grandmother, the suicide of friends, of people I didn't really know, the beatings from parents to their kin, and rape and the current levels of apathy and self-loathing currently known to garner attention from the teenage glory hogs.

The words that caught me were, "and our town was so crime free, I had never even been introduced to something like 'cutting' before, and I felt I needed to express my views on it." My GOD, the things that I have to vent about, that I can't in words alone, all the sadness and frustrations my friends have gone through that I have not, and my attempts to reach a neutral understanding with them on the issues at hand, are so much more devastating than the cries for attention commonly associated with such trite conditions(for the record, I realize that it's a control issue, and that some people *genuinely* are affected, but the TRUE number is minimal at best, I cannot even express to you the times I've talked about it with people who thought it would make me reach out to them).

But my epiphany was concerned with a chance call(long story), and half-way en route to somewhere else, reality kicked me in the head:

"I HAVE MY PURPOSE NOW, I HAVE TO TALK ABOUT WHAT IS REALLY ON MY MIND, AND LET PEOPLE KNOW THIS WORLD ISN'T THE MOVIE GLORY MINDSET THAT THEY THINK IT IS."

I drove home, as fast as I could. Here I am, scanning my journal right now, and I'm going to post these images here within the next 24 hours(it shall take a LONG time).

I don't have the power to change the world. I don't have the control to make people listen to my words, and take them as something they should take to their hearts. What I have is my own hands to create my own visions of what is wrong with all the people around us, walking the shoes you don't see yourself in. I am doing what I need to do for me, to keep myself at bay with the frustrations that encircle my life.

What I'm going to do from here on out, is show you what goes on behind the closed doors and loud stereos that you never wanted to see.

I'm really just going to talk about life.

I'm really honestly trying to gather some material to throw onto this server really soon, and you can quote me on this. I realize that it's been extremely slow, and that I haven't actually been keeping up with anything community wise, but classes have been beating me into submission, and I have had to really work myself into a fluster just to get things accomplished.

Things to look foward to:

My rendition of Bad Astronaut's "Gregory's Estate"
A few random photos.
Sketchbook entries(once I get the damn things back)
Probably a few painted items
Anything I may be able to scan into this scanner.

I really do need access to a much larger scanner, because all of my work seems to go beyond the typical 8 1/2 X 11 size.

Hell, I have work that's over 3-feet tall.

But, alas, most of that is in slide form, and almost impossible to scan decent quality images of without buying a really expensive slide scanner.

My new goal, however, is to photograph enough pictures to cover a wall in this room, in a spectrum of color ranging through all the primary, secondary, and combination colors. It's going to cost an arm and a leg, but it will be incredible.